Thursday, August 8, 2013

If Ever There Was A Totally Unlikable Antagonist, That Guy Is Cancer...

Hi guys. So. This is my dad.



Not the one in the wedding dress-that's me five years ago. (Look how adorable and young I was. 18. Dawww. Now, look back at my dad.) He is not a tiny guy. Note the broad shoulders and such. And if he wasn't wearing a jacket, you'd be like, "Woah. Look at those muscles." And they are Hard. As. Rocks. Basically, whenever I had boyfriends in high school, they would come in, and be like this: -_- Then they'd see my dad and be like this: O_O I think I have some exes who are actually STILL a little afraid of him, and I've been married for five years (tomorrow, actually, will be five years.)

Anyway, I'm super close to my dad. SUPER close. Probably because we're basically the same person. He's a tough, strong guy. Healthy, active, in his 40's. Never gets drunk. Doesn't smoke. No drugs. Nothing. And yesterday, we found out that he has cancer. So that sucked,

5 tumors on his liver. 5. One that's BIG. That's not good.Today he goes in for a biopsy and we'll find out if it's colon cancer that spread to the liver (HOPING that's not it. Cause that's no good. That would mean Stage 4.) or if it's primary liver cancer. Feels weird to be hoping that anything is any kind of cancer. But that's the one we're hoping for, cause it's easier to treat/cure. Stage IV colon is still possible to survive. Just, well, we'd very much like the higher odds, if possible.

So the thing is, yesterday freaking blew. It kind of felt like, not even real. My entire family is extremely close, and we're just sitting there blinking, like What? How is this possible? Are we gonna go, like, get one of those ribbons now? And start doing cancer walks and stuff? It doesn't feel real.

I very rarely have nightmares. But when I do, the one I've most frequently had throughout my life is about my dad dying, cause it's like one of my biggest fears. And those dreams are so awful because they feel real. And I went to bed thinking about cancer, and woke up thinking about it. (Strangely, I didn't have my recurring stress dream last night. I actually dreamt about this guy:



Which was certainly preferable. (I really did dream about Tudors-style Henry VIII. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers version. Which was kind of weird. *shrug*)

Anyway, I still woke up thinking about cancer. Cause my dad and I, we like the same movies, root for the same sports teams (except in baseball. I just can't make myself give a crap about baseball.), and whenever I tell him a book idea, he's like "That's awesome! You know what you should do with this scene?? And he's ALWAYS right. Seriously, in Never, Never, the one chapter that pretty much every single beta reader/CP I had commented on or said "This is so perfect! Whoa, I didn't see that coming!" was completely my dad's idea. (So, reader friends, pray about this if you plan on reading my stories. They're better when my dad is around. I promise.)

So yesterday we were basically all just freaking out and panicking and then researching allllll the things and alllllll the hospitals and allllll the doctors, and yeah. And all these possibilities start racing through your head. Like, what if he dies? What if they give him no time and he dies? He'd better be able to meet Elias when he comes at the end of November. And if he dies, what the crap am I gonna tell my 2 year old son, when he keeps asking "Where Poppy go?"

I can't handle that. I can't. I'm not ready to lose my dad. So screw that. None of us is ready for that. So we're gonna do everything we possibly can to beat this thing. Everything any doctor says to do. And beyond that, we're praying hard. We've got lots of people praying. That would be rather nice of you, dear reader, if you're the praying sort, by the way. We've seen impossible things happen because of prayer. Impossible things. And we're Christians. Ones who truly care about their faith, all of us. And it would be super awesome if God was like "Ok. You're right. Not his time yet." If He doesn't say that, well, it's not in His plan, and we will just figure out how to deal with it.

But right now, we are hoping and praying and gearing up to fight whatever we find. Cause SCREW. CANCER. Cancer is that kid who gave you swirlies every day at school and didn't even have, like, a screwed-up childhood to justify it. Cancer is that little fox-guy from Dora who swipes everything and then doesn't even take it; he just hides it to be mean. Cancer is the guy who shot a bunch of people in Aurora for no. freaking. reason. THAT'S cancer. The ultimate unlikable antagonist. The mustache-twirling, evil-for-the-sake-of-being-evil and ruining everyone's day butt hole. A likable antagonist can win, and we're cool with that. But NOT this guy. Screw that. They say every antagonist is the hero of his own story. Well, pray about everything if you would, and rec a doctor, or whatever. Cause Cancer does not get to be the hero of anyone's story. Nope.

23 comments:

  1. Brianna, wow, the tears in my eyes say it all. Your relationship with your dad and his love of your writing is one of the most special, amazing things I've heard. My heart goes out to you. I will think nothing but good thoughts for your dad and your family. Hang in there and don't forget to take care of yourself through all this too. <3 <3

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  2. My heart goes out to you. I hope it isn't bad cancer. My Mom had cancer 17 years ago when I was too young to understand. SCREW CANCER. Hugs and I am praying for him and your family

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    1. Thanks so much, sweetie!! (And I'm sorry to hear about your mom :( )I so appreciate the love and support

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  3. I'm so very, very sorry. I'll be hoping you all have the best possible news. Such a terrible disease. Hugs. Rhiann

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  4. I'm so sorry, sweetheart. For what it's worth, my dad is coming on 7 years of remission from stage IV melanoma, so I'm a huge, huge believer that wonderful outcomes are possible for anyone at any stage. If you ever need to talk about it with someone who's been there, you know where to find me <3

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    1. Thank you, Dahlia! Actually, hearing that about your dad just made me cry in a good way-stories like that so help. <3

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  5. I wish I had something to say that would help even a little bit. But I don't feel like I have any proper words, only an intense emotion of sorrow for you and your family, and maybe some hope. Not hope that he will not pass away, because we all do. He will. You will. I will. But I send the fervent hope that cancer will not rob him, or you, of happiness before he goes.

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    1. Just having that support and love helps so much. Thank you!

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  6. First of all, how did I not know that you had a blog?! Which is totally not the important thing here, but an interesting side note.

    Caner is, by far, one of the worst diseases out there. And I HATE HATE HATE that it's affecting someone who doesn't deserve it in any way, shape, or form. Your Dad is such an amazing person, and please let him know that myself and my family are all praying for him.

    Also, starting next month I will be working on a cancer floor in the best cancer hospital in Colorado. If you need anything, anything at all, I will do my best to get it for you. I will get doctors to give me as much info as I can, and I will get as much info as possible on what else to do, or good names in the business. I know that your family is already doing this, but just in case you ever need an 'in' from a medical standpoint.

    Regardless, you dad (and your family) are such amazing, strong, incredible people. You're right, if it's his time to go, then it's his time, and that's up to God. But, I have to believe that this is not his time. If anyone can beat this thing, it's him.

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    1. That would be awesome-thanks sooooo much, love. <3 <3 <3

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  7. Hey lovey! You know I've been praying for your family mightily but I wanted to let you know that you are in the hearts and minds of many! I've got my mom praying for you guys and she is the prayer warrior. Like seriously, I think she has a direct line to God or something. Your parents are an amazing couple (super fun and not like real adults at all) and they've raised four great kids.

    Your family has so many admirable qualities but most of all, an unwavering faith that doesn't budge in the time of crisis. God has taught me many things in the last few months, and one of the most important is that He never leaves us. NEVER.

    Lifting your dad in prayer today as he has the biopsies. Praying for the doctors and your family as well. Praying that no matter the outcome, he will beat this, and that God will provide the best medicines and physicians to get your dad through this trying time. I know this isn't easy but you (and your family) are never alone! You have a whole host of people everywhere who love you and are praying for that super awesome dad of yours. Tell your family I love them and you already know I love you! Let me know if you need anything or call if you need to talk. You know I'm here for you!
    LOVE YOU!!!!!

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    1. Thank you soooo much, Tabitha. You're like a little ray of sunshine :)

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  8. Hugs and love and prayers for you and your family. I wonder if there is anyone who hasn't been touched by cancer, the bastard. I certainly wish there was something better that we could all relate to. Fingers crossed for your dad and the higher odds.

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  9. Oh, no. Brianna, I'm so sorry. That's just awful. I am hoping for the best possible result from the biopsy, and hoping that what he has can be cured. (And on that note, WHY can't we cure cancer yet??? Why? Why is it not a bigger priority? It should be fixable by now!)

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    1. Thank you!!! (And right?? Get on that, medical people!)

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  10. If there is one thing in this world that I hate, it's the big C.

    About 2 years ago, both of my grandmothers were taken from me within 6 months of each other (one in August 26 2011, one in January 16 2012 - I will always remember these dates).

    One had fought breast cancer 20 years prior and beat it. She was in her early 50s at the time. Then about 5 years ago, she found out she had uterin cancer that had spread to her abdomen. At the age of 74 she was still fighting. Finally, on the morning of my grandparents 56th wedding anniversary (yeah, 56 YEARS! - so AMAZING), after my grandfather told her it was ok and he would be ok and everyone would be ok, her spirit parted... and I know she is still looking down on all of us (she has 23 grandchildren!).

    My other grandmother suffered from alzheimers before we found out she had colon cancer. She had been a smoker her entire life, and always expected to die of lung cancer. So the colon cancer was a huge surprise. She fought for awhile, but after struggling with a failing body and deteriorating mind, the fight became too much. It was very difficult to watch. She had always been so witty and onery. The fire in her slowly ebbed until she passed away in the middle of the night. She left behind three boys, 6 grandchildren, and 7 great grandchildren.

    I don't know which was harder to watch. But I know I HATE CANCER. It takes too many good, kind, loving people.

    You and your papa will be in my thoughts. I hope we see a post from you soon with good - no - GREAT NEWS! Sending BIG HUGS your way!

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    1. Aw, so sorry to hear about your grandparents. That's so tough. My grandpa died of lung cancer when I was five from working w/ asbestos for years. It's crazy to think of all the people who have been affected by cancer in some way.

      Thanks so much for your support!!!

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  11. So sorry to hear your news. But I feel like people with good habits and good attitudes -- and your Dad seems to qualify -- can beat these things. I'm an RN and I'm still amazed at what modern science combined with a good heart (and stubborness) can accomplish. I think you guys will get through this!

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