Not the one in the wedding dress-that's me five years ago. (Look how adorable and young I was. 18. Dawww. Now, look back at my dad.) He is not a tiny guy. Note the broad shoulders and such. And if he wasn't wearing a jacket, you'd be like, "Woah. Look at those muscles." And they are Hard. As. Rocks. Basically, whenever I had boyfriends in high school, they would come in, and be like this: -_- Then they'd see my dad and be like this: O_O I think I have some exes who are actually STILL a little afraid of him, and I've been married for five years (tomorrow, actually, will be five years.)
Anyway, I'm super close to my dad. SUPER close. Probably because we're basically the same person. He's a tough, strong guy. Healthy, active, in his 40's. Never gets drunk. Doesn't smoke. No drugs. Nothing. And yesterday, we found out that he has cancer. So that sucked,
5 tumors on his liver. 5. One that's BIG. That's not good.Today he goes in for a biopsy and we'll find out if it's colon cancer that spread to the liver (HOPING that's not it. Cause that's no good. That would mean Stage 4.) or if it's primary liver cancer. Feels weird to be hoping that anything is any kind of cancer. But that's the one we're hoping for, cause it's easier to treat/cure. Stage IV colon is still possible to survive. Just, well, we'd very much like the higher odds, if possible.
So the thing is, yesterday freaking blew. It kind of felt like, not even real. My entire family is extremely close, and we're just sitting there blinking, like What? How is this possible? Are we gonna go, like, get one of those ribbons now? And start doing cancer walks and stuff? It doesn't feel real.
I very rarely have nightmares. But when I do, the one I've most frequently had throughout my life is about my dad dying, cause it's like one of my biggest fears. And those dreams are so awful because they feel real. And I went to bed thinking about cancer, and woke up thinking about it. (Strangely, I didn't have my recurring stress dream last night. I actually dreamt about this guy:
Which was certainly preferable. (I really did dream about Tudors-style Henry VIII. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers version. Which was kind of weird. *shrug*)
Anyway, I still woke up thinking about cancer. Cause my dad and I, we like the same movies, root for the same sports teams (except in baseball. I just can't make myself give a crap about baseball.), and whenever I tell him a book idea, he's like "That's awesome! You know what you should do with this scene?? And he's ALWAYS right. Seriously, in Never, Never, the one chapter that pretty much every single beta reader/CP I had commented on or said "This is so perfect! Whoa, I didn't see that coming!" was completely my dad's idea. (So, reader friends, pray about this if you plan on reading my stories. They're better when my dad is around. I promise.)
So yesterday we were basically all just freaking out and panicking and then researching allllll the things and alllllll the hospitals and allllll the doctors, and yeah. And all these possibilities start racing through your head. Like, what if he dies? What if they give him no time and he dies? He'd better be able to meet Elias when he comes at the end of November. And if he dies, what the crap am I gonna tell my 2 year old son, when he keeps asking "Where Poppy go?"
I can't handle that. I can't. I'm not ready to lose my dad. So screw that. None of us is ready for that. So we're gonna do everything we possibly can to beat this thing. Everything any doctor says to do. And beyond that, we're praying hard. We've got lots of people praying. That would be rather nice of you, dear reader, if you're the praying sort, by the way. We've seen impossible things happen because of prayer. Impossible things. And we're Christians. Ones who truly care about their faith, all of us. And it would be super awesome if God was like "Ok. You're right. Not his time yet." If He doesn't say that, well, it's not in His plan, and we will just figure out how to deal with it.
But right now, we are hoping and praying and gearing up to fight whatever we find. Cause SCREW. CANCER. Cancer is that kid who gave you swirlies every day at school and didn't even have, like, a screwed-up childhood to justify it. Cancer is that little fox-guy from Dora who swipes everything and then doesn't even take it; he just hides it to be mean. Cancer is the guy who shot a bunch of people in Aurora for no. freaking. reason. THAT'S cancer. The ultimate unlikable antagonist. The mustache-twirling, evil-for-the-sake-of-being-evil and ruining everyone's day butt hole. A likable antagonist can win, and we're cool with that. But NOT this guy. Screw that. They say every antagonist is the hero of his own story. Well, pray about everything if you would, and rec a doctor, or whatever. Cause Cancer does not get to be the hero of anyone's story. Nope.
